This is hard.

my heart is heavily trodden as i try to string words into sentences.
i cant seem to formulate these sentences into paragraphs.
and i wonder if you'll feel the same way i hoped to bring it across to you.

i.cant.do.this.

i dontknow if this is the best way of letting you know how i feel
and you might think this is just an excuse for whatever happened
but-
i'll try anyway.

#$@#&*& !!!
okay, here goes.

i know i've hurt you today. you never did expect things to turn out the way it has. and it was partly cus i made a completely unexpected decision. in all honesty, i really thought we'd end up the way we both thought it would. yet, somehow after the switchings, i came to a different conclusion. it had allowed me to try out, body&feelings were crucial in reaching the final decision. it's not that i forgot all the memories we once had fighting together against others, the camaraderie between us, yet; it's just different: inexplicable. i hope you dont feel that you're inferior to the rest, maybe we're nt meant to be cus of stroke wise. it's an issue we've been facing since last year, but we never cld find a way to solve it. we've been letting it go by without correcting it. and somehow, we didnt need to. it was okay to leave things the way they were and not dig up the past cus of our new arrangements. but we had face to it today and i guess its time to see the problem, and do smth abt it headon. it's not just you, or me, but the two of us combined. everyone has their strength and flaws, someone could be stronger in one aspect, but weaker in another you're better at. the switchings and various combinations made me realise what i needed to learn from you, and others. for you, it's your highly admirable mental strength. for them, it's their strokes which made me feel comfortable with it. and after evaluation, i had to come to a point of choice. and again, i'm sorry for not having it turn out the way you wished it had. you might not trust me anymore, and think it's all just excuses, but i hope i could have a chance to explain it to you. you might nt be receptive towards it, but at least i know i've tried.

now that it has ended up this way, i hope we'll both focus on the present to prepare for what we've set out to do. it's in approximately two weeks; not much time left. for me, i've to put in the extra effort for making up on lost time, just to be ready. for all of us, giving up is not a solution. i believe that each of us are stronger than that. we're soldiers willing to fight, and not hide in some corner to avoid the problem or live in denial. the grass is always greener on the other side and since it's this way now, let's go on with what we have and try to make the best of this situation. i'm sure we're not the kind who escape while being faced with adversity. we shall all be Brave and overcome whatever barriers thats obstructing us.

no one is perfect, yet no one is totally imperfect either. there's always something we can learn from each other. we help each other to improve and bring us up together; cus thats what being a Team means. we hold each other up, and encourage one another. we've build a rapport and have come so far- Together. it'd be a pity if we do not believe in each other and lose hope. we need each other to go through this tough ordeal. no one can do it alone, but we can do it Together.

let's spur each other on alright?

love,
melissa.